The reality of things

I discovered recently that some people in my life think I’m faking my pain or exaggerating it or that I’m just being lazy. This hurt because I fight against it daily in every move I make or don’t make. I hate not being able to do the things I once could. Being able to not need help… I have severe degeneration in at least one disc in my back along with herniating and bulging discs which is compressing on my sciatica abs inflaming my SI joints. At any given moment, I have severe burning down either leg along with intense pain with literally every movement I make. My back and SI joints are in poor shape for a 48 year old. So much so that I’m now being referred to a neurosurgeon for consultation. So when I heard the words being said it hurt in an all new way. I know most people haven’t seen the effects this has had

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Social Phobias

Social phobias are the most common types of phobias, and they are endless. Examples are talking in groups or even starting conversations. Public speaking. Meeting new people. Talking to authority figures. Eating or drinking in front of others. Regular trips out to the stores or banks. Sitting in a classroom. Going to work. Just to name a few. A Social phobia is an intense anxiety of fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejection in a social or performance situation. Have you experienced any of these? For me I have a few experiences but this post is more about being the mom of someone with extreme social phobias. One of my boys is affected by social phobia and anxiety to the point that he was home schooled because going into a classroom became to hard for him. Going to a store and purchasing something on his own was huge step he took when he was 14. Riding transportation to appointments

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Learning your limitations

All my life I had to be very independent and yet now life makes me very dependent on others. In the last few years, that need has grown exponentially. I’ve started having neurological issues and was diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy of both upper and lower limbs. Before that I had had two ankle surgeries to correct issues that has plagued me since I was a teenager. I’ve had more medical surgeries, tests, and appointments in the last four years that I’ve had all my entire life…forty seven years! My mobility is limited. I’m not allowed to lift more than ten pounds which means technically I should never pick up a single one of many grandchildren. I can’t pull or push things that are too heavy as it strains my back that is now (as the doctor describes) a ‘ticking time bomb’ because in the last year and a half my L5-S1 has gone from minor to severe with issues. I

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Be a beautiful soul…

In our everyday lives we do things that we may not realize. Hurtful things to others without even thinking. Have you ever said there was a job you would not do? Or you won’t sit by someone in a business because they look sketchy or untrusting? Every made fun of someone cause of the way they looked or something was different about them? Those are the things that are hurtful. One person is only better than another if their soul is more loving, forgiving, and accepting. For NO other reason is one person better than another. No two people are identical. I recently posted about conformity almost killing my soul – and then we have those who “make fun of” others for not being like them. We ARE all on different paths with different goals. Always remember that the person next to you is a human, just like you! I remember as a pre-teen there was a guy who bullied

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Authentic to YOU

Photo credit link   I’ve had it on my mind today to talk about inner peace and how important it is to be true to oneself over anything else and then I saw this graphic (above) and knew this was the topic of the day! My mind never rests… a troublesome thing but I think it keeps me sane. When I woke this morning, the thoughts of how I’ve changed over the last ten years weighed heavily on my soul, the most positive way possible. All my life, I’ve been told what to think, how to feel, how to believe. I’ve rebelled against it all and questioned nearly everything all my life! I was that kid that if you say don’t do it, I did it to spite you! I was always considered trouble and never felt like I belonged. My mother raised me up in four branches of the christian faith all while telling me about the gods and goddesses and incorporating

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This journey of life…

Over the last ten years or so I’ve slowly noticed numbness and tingling happening more and more in my legs and now in my arms. I just never paid much attention to it until a few years ago when I was sent to a neurologist over it. I was quickly diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy of no known cause. I’ve now been tested for diabetes three times and its not that. Last month I had an extensive appointment with a new neurologist and he discovered that I also have muscle weakness and loss of muscle tone on my right side extremities. (I’m right handed and this immediately alarmed me) Discerning to say the least and I didn’t want to believe the doctor. So that afternoon I went to the store to test the theory that my right hand was NOT weaker than my left and sadly it was proven to be true after trying to open several different types of drinking

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When are we done?

A while back I heard a conversation where one parent told another they didn’t need to give their child advice anymore because that child was now an adult. I thought about this for quite sometime and mulled it over and over in my head. Here are my thoughts: The only time we are done doing anything for our children is (1) they no longer acknowledge you as a parent or have cut all ties, (2) legally, when they turn 18 in the US they are a legal adult and then we can’t do anything in the form of being responsible for them, (3) they are dead. Blunt, I know but this is how I feel. As a parent, I am to be there for my children with advice until the day they depart this world or I do. If I sit back and be silent then I am not doing my duty as a mom. If I see my child

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Letting go

I believe as humans its in our nature to hold on to as much as we can. We hoard things, emotions, and people into our little worlds to fulfill us. When we have to let there is a plethora of emotions and many are just selfish. I talk about this because yesterday I watched my youngest child take an oath to serve our country as an Army soldier. Before this I had been preparing as much as I could to grasp that my little baby was leaving home, leaving the nest. In preparation, I made a mental list of all the great moments we shared and how I had helped to mold this sweet loving baby into a passionate young man. I made a mental note on how this is a wonderful step and I am NOT loosing my baby but gaining a proud young man. Parenting is like a recipe for cake, you have to make sure you measure

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