The reality of things

I discovered recently that some people in my life think I’m faking my pain or exaggerating it or that I’m just being lazy. This hurt because I fight against it daily in every move I make or don’t make. I hate not being able to do the things I once could. Being able to not need help…

I have severe degeneration in at least one disc in my back along with herniating and bulging discs which is compressing on my sciatica abs inflaming my SI joints. At any given moment, I have severe burning down either leg along with intense pain with literally every movement I make. My back and SI joints are in poor shape for a 48 year old.

So much so that I’m now being referred to a neurosurgeon for consultation. So when I heard the words being said it hurt in an all new way. I know most people haven’t seen the effects this has had on my daily life and not that I owe anyone anything in regards to an explanation I feel driven to give one. Or vent. Either way, here it is!

I grabbed this graphic from google. It shows the healthy dish and the degenerative disc. This is exactly what mine looks like except the little remaining is thinner.

This graphic shows a bulging and a herniated disc… which I also have.

So, to anyone out in the universe who wants to say anything negative about me in regards to my pain… take a moment and educate yourself. I don’t have just these health issues. I also have multiple peripheral neuropathies and essential tremors I’m battling.

Peripheral neuropathy symptoms I manage daily are:

Pain areas: in the back, face, arms, calves, foot, hands, or thigh

Pain types: can be burning and tingling or sharp

Muscular: cramping, difficulty walking, muscle weakness, problems with coordination, or loss of muscle

Sensory: pins and needles, uncomfortable tingling and burning, oversensitivity, reduced sensation of touch, or sensitivity to pain

Also common: poor balance, slow reflexes, tingling feet, tingling fingers, or weakness

I have all those symptoms at any given time!!!! Treatments available- medications. No cure. It will only get worse for me. The cause of my neuropathy…unknown. The doctor thinks mine might be genetic as is my tremors.

So the next time you want to judge a person show some fucking compassion. Not all illness or disorders are visible. My struggles you will only see when I try to stand or walk or when I try to pick something up and my hands give out or when I can’t open even a simple bottle of water cause it’s a bad day for me and it will only get worse for me.

While you judge others imagine for a moment the internal pain and struggle they have knowing they now need help when just a few short years ago they didn’t. When independence is being stripped away from them one movement at a time.

Bring the compassion back into our society and humanity as a whole.

End of rant.

Author of young adult/fantasy / paranormal as well as poetry and more.

2 thoughts on “The reality of things

  1. My situation is not as complex as yours as I only have a herniated disc at L5S1, but I understand what you’re going through. I herniated almost 3 years ago and have had constant nerve pains down both legs into my feet ever since. Every minute of every day…burning, throbbing, tingling, change of sensation, numbness, spasms, and so on. Apparently I’m not bad enough for surgery, yet numerous medications and injections have failed to provide me with pain relief. It’s no longer extreme, but it is constant and uncomfortable and often affects me more than I show. I’m not aware of anyone thinking that I’m faking it, but I do sometimes wonder if people do.


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